Speak when you’re angry, and you’ll make the best speech
you’ll ever regret.
Words are "Strong" and they can hurt or heal....
Words are Universal Commands
and they are heard by the "UNIVERSE"
and once they are spoken...
You can NOT take them "Back"!
"Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Remember that little rhyme from
childhood?
It’s wrong.
And more than that, it’s a lie. Words are very powerful. Words can hurt or heal, build up or tear down, comfort or
curse.
According to Mike Gordon, pastor at CenterPoint Church in Ocala, Fla., very few of us are prone to slice and dice our partner with our words.
At the same
time, most of us are guilty of making little cuts, or "nicking" those we love with our words.
Have you nicked your partner lately?
And no, I do not mean shaving. I
mean nicking with your words. The little cuts and jabs, the sarcasm and put-downs we sometimes carelessly throw out there.
It took me just about the entire first year of
marriage to figure out that what some of my friends found hilarious, my wife did not find at all amusing at best, and cut and hurt her at worst.
Other folks excuse "nicking" as
just being brutally honest. In my experience, most of the folks who brag about being brutally honest enjoy the brutality more than the honesty.
John Powell said, "The genius
of communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time."
The power of the tongue
Our tongue,
and the words that come from it, has incredible power. Words have the power to hurt or to heal, to tear down or build up, and to curse or comfort.
How have you been
using your words with the one you say you love? If you realize you have been doing some nicking up until now, here are two things you can do:
1) Make a commitment to
use your words to comfort not curse, heal not hurt, build up not tear down
2) Go to your love and apologize for nicking in the past and let the one you love know you intend
to change this bad habit. The words could be something like:
"I realize I have nicked you and hurt you with my words, and I apologize and hope you can forgive me. I’m
also making a commitment to you to control my tongue in the future."
A word of warning as you apologize. I know of one gentlemen who apologized by saying "I need to tell
you I am sorry for nicking you." Well, somehow what she heard was "I want to apologize for Nicky."
You can imagine how the conversation took an unexpected detour from
there.
The above example, and the one below, demonstrate just how very much the words we choose to use matter to those we love.
Different words, different
result
A country boy fell head over heels for a little girl who lived down the lane. The problem was, every time he got around her, his knees shook and he stammered when
he tried to speak. He just had no clue about how to talk to this girl.
So one day he went to town and followed a city boy who was known for being good with the ladies, trying
to pick up some tips. The country boy listened as the city boy looked deep into the eyes of his girlfriend and said "Your beauty could make time stand still."
"That’s it!" he
said, and rushed back to the country and found his girl. Taking her by the hand under the apple tree, he looked deep into her eyes and said, "Your face could stop a
clock."
Same content. Different words. Very different result.
Remember, you have a choice, hurt or heal, tear down or build up, curse or comfort.
Which
words would you like to use, and which words would you like to be used with you?
Jeff Herring is a Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Syndicated Relationship
Columnist.
Rebuild from the Beginning
You
can’t expect your relationship to recover from trust issues in one day. Even if you are lucky and your partner agrees to forgive you, it does not mean that you won’t have to continue
to prove yourself. This process could even take years, but it all starts with the little things. You can begin to build confidence from your partner by simply doing all the things you say
you will. Showing up on time and following through on tasks may seem simple, but living up to even the smallest expectations will reflect well upon your intentions to save your
relationship. Over time you will have more opportunities to prove yourself, and each one will generate a new level of trust from your partner.
Give Trust
Back
An often overlooked aspect of trust building is its reciprocal nature. Even if it was your fault for the breakdown, you still need to focus on offering the same level
of confidence to your partner that you hope to gain back from them. This can be easier then it sounds since your guilt will likely create fears of them leaving you. By showing your
partner that you believe in them, they will be more willing to give you another chance as well. This means letting them go out with their friends, allowing them flexibility with making
decisions, and generally supporting their activities. In essence you will build up trust by giving some back.
Just "Be"
Don’t Hold Back
There is always an explanation
for why you did what you did, but many times people hold back important details. They try to skew the story so that it doesn’t seem as bad or else they try to portray the situation as
something out of their control. The best approach is to tell the whole truth from the beginning. While it may be difficult to admit to your wrongdoings, you will save yourself from even
greater backlash by being honest up front. Unless you choose to share all of the circumstances surrounding the incident, you will forever be hiding from what actually happened.
Ultimately, these untold secrets will prevent your relationship from moving on.
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